Hope.

2.4.2008

round and round and round i go
when i stop? nobody knows
problems draw nearer
none any clearer
then where the hell am i?

the starting point has been blurred
and i dont understand how i got here
everything i see
everything i touch
seems as if im in a dream
and alternate reality to the life that follows me
im running.
i lied when i told you i wasnt.
but im running.
escaping the life that will forever haunt me in Orange County
oh God how pitiful i must sound
'my life is horrible in Orange County, woe is me'
but i doesnt matter to me that i came from there
i love the place
i hate how i lived when i was there
i need some stability
ANY kind of stability
to grant me semblance
and keep me calm until it hits again
the tranquil sea has left me
replaced by the roaring winds and never-ending snow
the change was needed
in my heart i know it was and so does she
she understands and that helps me keep going
she also knows what i truly want
though i have to keep telling myself that i will eventually get it
how she knows more about me than i myself know is still a mystery
something that would normally have me bolting in the other direction
but in this case a reverent air falls upon me
and im comforted that someone else can tell me what i want
what i need
what i desire
what i deserve
and although this place im running from holds her too
i cant escape what she says
so shes still here
in my heart telling me where to go next
and pushing me to surpass any barrier that comes my way
something surrounds me and im confused by what it is
then i realize
it's hope.