Done.

2.14.2011

I can't believe you
Who are you?
Who was the girl I dated?
How did I get trapped in this toxic relationship?
I was blinded by excitement
By intrigue
By constant attention.
I reveled in it
Bathed in the feeling of being wanted
Letting go of everyone else just to feel this way.
I can't remember the last time I felt happy with you
Moments that I should be able to remember
Already forgotten or never had a chance to be made.
Trying to use my friends against me.
You had no one
You made my friends yours when they didn't want to be.
So much time has been wasted trying to rebuild friendships
And set straight the lies that were spoken
You left your mark here.
A mark that everyone has dissociated with.
You've been forgotten.
Does it make you feel better?
That you tried so hard to ruin my reputation?
I was so guarded before we dated.
Didn't let my best friends see my truest side.
You ruined me.
I let my guard down and was left devastated.
Alone. An egg shell of who I used to be.
I finally had enough.
Finding solace in the company of others' arms.
Bodies intertwining within my red sheets of despair
Trying to reassure myself that I was still wanted.
That I hadn't been wasted after being with you.
Even after 4 different people
I still couldn't get it out of my head that I had been cheated on.
And so blatantly in front of me.
But I chose to believe you.
I always chose you
When you never chose me.
Pathetic? Yes.
But what sickens me is that in knowing all the shit you put me through,
Part of me still cares.
I try to rationalize it in my head
Make excuses for the feeling
But then i realize.
No.
I'm doing this to myself for only one reason:
To prove that I am not you.
I hate you for what you did to me
I hate myself for letting this happen to me
I hate what you made me become.
So goodbye, good riddance
It sickens me to think that your venom penetrated my body
Attached itself like a parasite
And held me in a death grip since September.
I'm done caring.
I'm done thinking of you.
I'm done.